While I was Immobile
by doughnutmagic
Summary: UPDATED FIVE CHAPTERS BABY! As I promised Katou is gettin MORE Lube--and the Yaoi fangirls are gettin somthin too!
1. Only Kira, Luci and their lube matter

GAH! It's a Katou ficcie! Love Katou! He's the shit!  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing here  
  
Keep in mind it's an AU so yes-I don't want flames saying Katou and Kira aren't gay.  
  
~~~~~  
  
I don't remember what happened on Saturday afternoon. Something tells me I don't want too. I mean I've tried before-but all I get is that snow you see on the TV channels when you're not getting good reception. And I've never liked snow much.  
  
Kira told me I said and did some funny shit-but once again, knowing Kira, that could have meant he got me to do some freaky stuff. With Kira, that could mean anything-he holds no reserve when it comes to me stoned, unless I could get hurt, then he puts me in my bed and leaves me until I wake up.  
  
Which was about three hours ago. And unless I can gain control of my body, I'll probably be here for another three.  
  
Kira's obviously not here-probably out with Lucifer once again, fucking like rabbits. I swear we need to name one of them Thumper-but not knowing which one of them does the thumping, and the fact that I don't want to ask-we'll never know which one of 'em it is.  
  
But in my personal opinion, it'd be Lucifer. He seems the dominatrix kind of guy. Being a hell lord and all, I don't think he'd let Kira be dominate-except for maybe on Halloween.cause I think that situation would be scary.  
  
Truth be told-I wish I was Lucifer sometimes, he gets Kira, and the hoards of satanic worshipers. He gets everything he wants.  
  
But then again, EVERYBODY loves Katou! I mean I'm just plain fucking sexy! .According to some girl.  
  
A chick actually came up to me after school one day and said, 'you're fucking sexy!' I mean she wasn't bad looking either-and I might have had some fun if I wasn't craving a joint at the time!  
  
"Katou," I look over to see a quite disheveled and sweaty Kira standing in the doorway to my room. I was right-he and the Hell bitch were fucking.  
  
"No I know what you're thinking," he stated in a rather defensive tone, "I was not fucking!" He looked completely unbelievable. His eyes shifted from me to my wall to the bathroom door.  
  
"So what, you and Lucifer had a hot and sweaty chat on Quantum Physics?" I drawled lazily as I gave him a 'who are you fooling' look. "Or playing a rowdy game of Scrabble?"  
  
He lazily gave me the finger, "It's none of your busniess what I do-"  
  
I glared a bit, "so you had to come here and flaunt your 'just had sex' look infront of me? 'Cause unless The Katou's getting some too he dosen't want to see!" I turned my head back to the wall and snorted-he was such an asshole.  
  
"Jealous Katou?" I could feel the air stir as he smirked. I can tell when he's smirking-the talking joint in the back of my head, which is my conscience, started humming 'U got it bad'  
  
Are you considered crazy when a talking joint that tells you what's right or wrong starts humming Usher?  
  
.Just checking.  
  
"Katou?" he was right next to my bed now, I obviously had spaced out again. Such is the life of a teenage drugee.  
  
"What," I snapped at him and glared, "want to show me the hickeys he left on your chest while he was pounding your ass?" He looked taken aback, I don't usually yell at him-it's quite a rarity for me, I'm the peace loving kind of Katou.  
  
"No actually-"  
  
"I don't want to hear it, Sakuya, get out of my room and leave me the fuck alone! I'd throw you out myself but I can't exactly move, so drop your ass on my foot and we'll pretend I kicked your precious balls."  
  
"Katou-"  
  
"But then of course you'd tell your lover and he'd smite me, then Kate would come and spit on my bloody corpse, after that I wouldn't put it past Blackie to shit on my face-because no one cares about Katou!"  
  
"Kat-"  
  
"Only Kira, Lucifer and their Lube matter because Katou's expendable, his feelings don't matter-I mean he's drugged up half the time anyway so he wouldn't give a flying fuc-"  
  
I felt his lips cover mine at that point-I knew it was to shut me up. But I bet if the talking joint in my head backed up a lot tilted his head and squinted it'd look like love.hopefully.  
  
Seeing as though I couldn't move I could do nothing except lean in a bit-which made him pull away which by me being immobile means I couldn't pull him back down and ravage him.  
  
"." I was left speechless!  
  
He just turned and left.  
  
"KIRA!" I called after him once I found my voice again but I heard the door close and I knew I was too late. Damn him.  
  
I looked at the clock-it had only been half an hour, another two and a-half-hours to go until I could get up and get my life going on again.  
  
But by then Thumper would be back in him again-they're that predictable.  
  
I guess I'll stick to being a secondary character, it's not a lot of fun.dosen't get me much ass.but atleast I have a minor role in this little drama we've created.  
  
~~~~  
  
^_^ Did you like? Well Review! 


	2. Sven? Or Fred Durst?

I'm back! ^_^ So many good reviews! So Ta-frickin-da! I've got another chapter for you all! I still am new at writing Katou-so-yeah I don't promise actual Katou-ness-but.some of it is kinda funny.the disclamer is in the first chapter. Look there if you don't believe me.it looks short-but it's just cause I keep having to start new paragraphs! ^_^;; so yeah.anyway.here it is.  
  
~~~~  
  
I've made him mad at me again. I've screwed up our momentarily happy relationship...if you call he hopelessly lusting after him a relationship.  
  
It's quite fucked up really. I try to get his attention, and Thumper pulls him away for more 'Pins 'n Holes' ...I swear the guy has something against me...maybe it's cause I put weed in Blackie's birthday cake.  
  
Oh well, I'm not here to impress him anyway. I'm not a show poodle named Fifi that jumps through hoops for an audience.  
  
KATOU IS THE ROTWILER OF THIS HOUSEHOLD! HEJUMPS FOR NO MAN!  
  
...Unless it's Kira...calling him to bed...grrrr baby grrrr!  
  
Well, Kira being mad isn't so bad except for three things:  
  
Lucifer.  
  
Blackie.  
  
Kate.  
  
It's like a conspiracy...if Kira gets upset with me, then there's Blackie and Kate who glare at me and coo at Kira whenever I'm in site/hearing range. And then there's Lucifer who shoves me and tries to start something whenever he sees me.  
  
So I've decided just to stay at my house until Kira comes to make up...he always does...none of our fights have lasted longer than...forty- eight hours. That's in twenty minutes. He'll be here.  
  
What did I do to make him mad?  
  
Quite simple really...  
  
Nothing.  
  
We had just gotten done fucking-I was I in a sex coma, pure bliss was had by me. My favorite times have been had in a sex coma-god bless the sex coma!  
  
Onto the point...Ahem...well as I said I was in a sex coma and he was laying next to me and all. And suddenly he gets up and gets dressed fucking fast.  
  
He dosen't even clean up just jumps back into his clothes and turns to leave.  
  
"Kira," I asked, "what's your damage?"  
  
He looked back and glared at me. The bitch glared at me! I had just given him head-and he's glaring at me!  
  
Kira didn't really talk to me-but I think he blames me for having sex with him. Like I was the only one there-it takes two to orgasm! ...Well technically, one...but not the point.  
  
That's the last time I let him use MY lube...bitch.  
  
So now I'm exhiled from the rest of them. Just because Kira can't be loyal-it's not my fault that he can't get enough of the Katou!  
  
ANOTHER girl has come up to me and said I was cool...I think her name was...MoMo-kun? ...Not sure-I have had weed since then.  
  
Ten minutes to go...I'm such a pussy. I'm getting Anxious over seeing him again...  
  
...Or maybe I'm just anxious for the make-up blowjobs?  
  
Eh, either way, Russel the Love Mussel is getting excited!  
  
Yes-I've named my schlong! Problem? ...'S what I thought! Well, the whole reason it was named in the first place is because Kira said that when you meet someone you should name them. That's how Russel was born.  
  
I haven't found a good name for Kira's yet. I'm between Sven, and Fred Durst. I'm leaning more to Fred though, cause it'd make me feel better about myself knowing I've blown a guy who dry humped Britney Spears!  
  
It's been twenty minutes exactly.and I don't hear knocking on my.wait.nevermind.  
  
Right when I opened the door I noticed it wasn't Kira.  
  
What was at the front door was tall dark and lubed.  
  
"Oh great," I groaned, "It's Thumper!"  
  
~~~~  
  
I'm planning a plot twist for next chapter! ^_^ Hopefully it works out! Review please! 


	3. Ooohbishielicious kinkyness

Yay! I finally snuck on! ^^;; I was grounded from the net.still am but hey! I'm back and I'm updating! This has a big surprise-for all unless I showed you already.anywho please review!  
  
Disclaimer: Same old same old ~~~~~~  
  
I didn't let him in, he pushed past me, he had this trench on-it was swishing about, giving him the mysterious bad boy image. No wonder Kira loved him.  
  
He turned and smirked at me, "so Katou," he sneered. Well I thought it was a sneer, or just a really fucked up smile-can't tell. "Did you have fun with Kira?"  
  
I knew better than to lie to him-he sees right through me, always has. I really don't see the point in it anymore, so I nodded and averted my gaze to the floor.  
  
"Did you video tape it or somthing?"  
  
Wait for it...  
  
"Cause it won't be happening again."  
  
.....See? How psychic am I?  
  
"Why not?" I kept my gaze on the floor.  
  
"Cause you see, Kira is mine now," he arrogantly chattered. After the first sentence I tuned him out-he's more trouble than he's worth.  
  
Suddenly I was pressed up against him. I blinked and looked up at him.  
  
"Were you listening to me?" his didn't look exactly happy.....or pissed. He had that mask on-where you can't tell if he wants to hug you-or send you to Belial's room.  
  
"...No," I awnsered back sounding a bit weaker than I had hoped for.  
  
"And what should i do to punish you?" His eyes narrowed so that he was definitely glaring at me.  
  
"Umm...nothing," he looked at me funny, "....cause EVERYBODY loves Katou!" I gave him my half-baked smile and snickered a bit. To me this was funny, here I was in Thumper's arms, and suddenly all I could think of was...kissing him?  
  
Unfortunately for me-my eyes give everything away. So almost immediately he had a bemused expression on his face. Now is when The Katou's nervous-cause when the Lord of Hell is holding you to him, and smiling down at you-you're either dead-or in a premature sex-coma.  
  
I struggled a bit-but unfortunately-it did me no good-I'm guessing Luci felt a bit of friction-cause he got hard...er...  
  
Me being only about 5'10, and him like 6'4 there was no way I was getting away.  
  
Sure enough-within .5 seconds I was up against the wall with a horny Hell Lord pressing most if not all his weight on me. "...Umm..." I was a little unsure about this...hell I was WAY unsure-but I had a feeling either way Katou was getting some.  
  
"You want to kiss me...don't you," he mused looking intently at my face. Being so close to him was...excuse my phrase, heavenly.  
  
"Yes...well, no, yes...NO!" It took me a few moments, but I finally decided on an awnser, I leaned forward and kissed him, the Lord of Hell. How many of you have accomplished that task?  
  
He leaned into the kiss and made a tiny noise of appreciation. A hand moved to the wall by my head, as I wrapped an arm around him drawing him closer.  
  
We both allowed the kiss to turn open, tongues fighting for dominance, neither winning quite yet-and neither willing to forfeit. Of course I desired to win-but was thinking of letting him win, to keep him happy, maybe it'd earn me brownie points.  
  
At some point I moved us over to my bed-I ended up on the bottom. I expected as much. And then came...  
  
.+. (hehehe I cut it off! ::evil look::!) .+.  
  
We'd been going at it for half an hour now both of us were slicked with sweat, the covers thrown completely off the bed. A now empty bottle of KY on the carpet next to us.  
  
I moaned again, as the hell lord hit my spot once again, and again, and again.  
  
I looked as though I was about to come any moment now...and I probably would have if it hadn't been for a sudden presence at the door.  
  
Ifelt Lucifer stop in mid stroke, Iturned to see Kira standing at the door looking completely shocked.  
  
"Oh shit," I mumbled as I saw my best friend turn and walk out once again. The door to my apartment closed and I felt Lucifer start moving within me again. And all notion of Kira was forgotten.  
  
If there was one thing I'd learned that day...it was this....  
  
I'm definitely naming Lucifer's Fred Durst.  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
Hehe, see? PLOT TWIST! ^_^ Hope you enjoyed it! Review! Thankshoo! 


	4. KATOUS FANTACY LAND

Wow, Reviews! ^^ How I love you all! Yeah, that was one snazzy chapter if I do say so myself. And I didn't hear any complaints bout it so---woooohoooo! Anywho-another chapter up...see bottom A.N. for an announcement! ^^ Review! Thank you!  
  
~~~~~~  
  
It's been five hours since Lucifer left...and about six since Kira did. Once again Katou is a secondary character. Nothing more than a waste of space, and Lucifer's now occasional fuck toy.  
  
Not exactly sure how walking in on Thumper and I affected my relationship with Kira. Or even if we still have a relationship, could go either way-he looked kind of hurt, or jealous couldn't tell...  
  
How could I have let that happen? How could I have let anything possibly jeopardize Kira and I?  
  
Awnser one: Great fuck. Lucifer is...unholy shit that was great.  
  
Awnser two: See above.  
  
The only downside of being the Hell Lord's fuck monkey? All my KY's gone, and I had a little over half a bottle...and believe me-he didn't waste a drop. But now I've got to go find some tool to buy me another bottle.  
  
Maybe I could get one of the Yaoi fan girls to do it. They'll do anything to see a male on male snog. Buy porn cut out Kira's head and mine and paste em on! Quick fix to any KY shortage!  
  
Okay yeah that was majorly fucked up, but when you need your KY-all morals go down the fucking hole...heheh...hole!  
  
Aside from that I've found that I still can't move. My ass is stretched so far out of shape even Pam Anderson's tits'd be dwarfed by it! I'll be walking like I've been riding a horse for weeks! I don't see how Azriel does it...  
  
Aside from that its like there's a jack hammer in my head-not my ass for once...I know It's weird huh? But anyway, it hurts like a bitch-the only good thing is-I can't hear my conscience anymore...so no guilt about Kira-ah sweet bliss.  
  
I know I should feel bad-but you see whenever I try too-I remember what was happening when I saw him-and I go back to:  
  
KATOU'S FANTACY LAND!  
  
Where you can touch the girls, guys and gangbangs are abundant. Accepts Visa, MasterCard and American Express-it's everywhere you want to be.  
  
I need some weed...I need some KY...I need a life.  
  
It's kinda sad when your two major problems are finding a joint, and getting another bottle of KY.  
  
And I wouldn't have it any other way.  
  
See, when you're Katou, regular rules don't apply...like, I don't have to pay rent-I can just have Thumper smite them.  
  
Being Katou is good-which is why I wouldn't trade it-  
  
Except for another porn mag...and a joint...well a joint and maybe a porn mag....well...they're both equally important.  
  
I'VE GOT IT! A PORN MAG MADE OUT OF JOINTS! THE AWNSER TO EVERY HORNY AMERICAN DRUGGEE!  
  
...Patent pending...  
  
Now I'm off to find a Yaoi fan girl...hopefully I won't have to waddle far...  
  
~~~~~~  
  
^_^ ::waits for praise:: ...::crickets:: ...alright this is the A.N. time for the announcement...ahem...: For the first...oh...two people who Review, they'll get written into the next chapter, and get a chance to talk with Katou....and buy him his Lube ^^ And I KNOW no one can pass that up. So...yeah! ^^ Hoping for more than Two reviews. Be off now.  
  
Thank shoo. 


	5. KATOU: and the search for lube

Wooo hoo! ^O^ We're on chapter five! We can now count the WIWI chapters on one full hand people! And I am happy it survived for so long! Now...I've decided that more than two of you get to be in this because, well I have no balls and I can't stick to my guns. Go figure. How do you think this thing got so far?  
  
Anywho, this--this is my favorite fic--it's got Katou, Kira, Luci and lube. Nothing better than lube.  
  
And so--Bleedingsilver, Blackie, and Momo-kun, and QuietAngel.... But since I don't know your real names, (excluding Blackie) I will rename you! ::evil cackle:: also, so I can make you do whatever I want, and YOU can't do anything because it's not really YOU it's only me writing someone biased off of YOU. ^^  
  
Bleedingsilver- Silvia. (from the 'sil' part. ::is not origional:: )  
  
Blackie- (look to the left)  
  
Momo-kun- Mom. (we shall call her mom--there is ALWAYS someone with a friend called 'Mom'--trust me. )  
  
QuietAngel- Angel.(simple ne?)  
  
So--away we go. ::spins out of control::  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Blackie, Silvia, Mom, or Angel. Nor do I own Angel Sanctuary or Trigun, though Blackie says she owns Wolfwood. And if you are Mormon...this is from Katou's POV...no shooting me...^^;  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Note to self: never trust a Yaoi fan girl.  
  
Other note to self: never trust a PACK of Yaoi fan girls.  
  
Last note to self: Yaoi fan girls will do anything to see a male on male snog.  
  
WELCOME TO....  
  
KATOU:  
  
and the search for lube  
  
I can safely say...this subtitled feature doesn't suck...Heh...well...not promising I won't.  
  
Anyway, It all started, where I last left off...waddling off to go find some unsuspecting Yaoi fan girl to go in and buy me lube. Why? I dunno...I spent the last of my money on a joint and a porn mag--but when I remember I'll tell ya.  
  
Back to my point...I got outside my building, and I waddled down to my nearest local Anime/Manga provider--which happens to be a suncoast. Forgive me--but, that's the most likely place to find one of em.  
  
I walked inside the dimly lit store, that was accented by red neon lights making it look like the bat-cave gone wrong...horribly horribly wrong and I immediately saw them all by this one DVD display...Angel somthing or other--I was high--don't remember, but they were talking about some blond drugee...he sounded hot to me.  
  
So, I walked over to them, and tapped one of them on the shoulder. She turned and I saw something that made me desperately try to think through the TV snow that clogged my brain...  
  
...since when did Yaoi fan girls wear nametags? I mean, for me, it was luck because drugs and memory do not compute--but, this was weird. I thought only Mormons that were out on missions to corrupt others and make them join their little cult wore nametags. But...maybe that's just me...  
  
This one said, 'Silvia'. Immediately, her eyes widened and she let out a mini shriek and fanned herself with her hands.  
  
That, unfortunately for me, alerted the other two, who were named, 'Angel', and 'Mom'. I didn't ask...I was afraid of what they'd say...  
  
"OHMYGAWD," Silvia screeched, "IT'S KATOU YUE! LET US ALL IMAGINE HIM AND KIRA!"  
  
Instantaneously, they all closed their eyes and made purring noises...  
  
I blinked, "umm...could you help me if you aren't too busy?"  
  
Mom jumped on me and nearly made me fall on my ass, "OF COURSE! YOU'RE KATOU!" My nose was then Eskimo kissed until it nearly fell off.  
  
"Well...thanks, but--not the best time to jump on me," I winced suspecting my ass had just ripped...again.  
  
Mom jumped off and stared wide-eyed, "what'd I do? Is it anything that requires me to give you sexual pleasures until you forget your pain?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Then WHAT?" all three screamed apparently wanting to be the one to 'pleasure' me.  
  
"My ass hurts because I was just fucked silly by an incredibly gorgeous hell lord, and now I am all out of lube," I explained truthfully and watched their faces turn from almost orgasmic, to elated...and orgasmic.  
  
"I happen to have a friend who owns a Sensual Superstore," Angel said proudly, "they have all you and your sexy dominatrix need to--"  
  
"HEY," I yelled, "HOW DO YOU KNOW I'M NOT THE DOMINATRIX?"  
  
Angel looked to Mom who looked to Silvia who laughed and replied, "cause you're Katou!"  
  
"And well," Mom began slowly, "Lucifer seems to be the type of man to take control--it's Lucilicious."  
  
I nodded, "alright then--you're buying." I abruptly turned and waddled out of the store, and listened to the other three happily chatter about how they got to buy Katou lube.  
  
~*~  
  
Halfway there, I came upon a familiar sight, which made me forget my ass pains and get giddy...we're talking the captain of the football team asked me out giddy. I broke out into a run and heard a cry from behind me:  
  
"HE'S TRYING TO ESCAPE!"  
  
Ignoring the three behind me I ran and glommed the pair infront of me, which happened to be my good friend, Blackie, and her life sized tickle toy Wolfwood. To me they kind of look like brother and sister but it's not my place to say...I'm just trying to get Wolfwood to allow a threesome.  
  
I tried to get my tongue into their little make out session, but I was rudely pushed away by Wolfwood. I fell on my ass and was suddenly aware of the pain, and made a face.  
  
Blackie pulled away and quirked a brow, "what happened to you?"  
  
"Lucifer...in my ass..."  
  
She simply nodded and turned her attention to the three behind me.  
  
Mom surprisingly picked me up and cuddled me once again attacking my nose with Eskimo kisses.  
  
"Umm..." Blackie coughed and they all looked at her blankly, "step away from my Katou."  
  
That was Wolfwood's cue to grab her possessively, which he did, and get hit by her-which she did.  
  
"But he came to ask US for lube," Silvia protested.  
  
"Uh huh," Blackie nodded slowly and folded her arms.  
  
Finally breaking away from Mom, I laughed nervously, "wanna come Blackie?"I doubted I'd survive an hour longer.  
  
For a moment, she looked like she was going to say no...then:  
  
"Let us all invasion Wolfwood and Vash," they all closed their eyes and began purring again.  
  
After I scraped puddlefied Blackie off of the bench, we set off, leaving Wolfwood to sit there, alone, dumbly.  
  
~*~  
  
An hour later, after the fight between the three over who was to pay, Blackie told them to shut up and split it, so we were finally on the way home.  
  
"So," Silvia finally spoke after a long silence, "how are you paying us?"  
  
"Ummm..with the satisfaction that you helped Katou?"  
  
"We're not cheap," Mom laughed and I held out my hand in time to stop myself from becoming the victim of Eskimo kisses.  
  
"Yeah," Angel added, "we want to be paid in full."  
  
"So...when can we come and watch?"  
  
I looked at her blankly, "ummm...no hobla the Yaoi girl?"  
  
"We want to watch you and Lucifer-"  
  
"Or Kira," Silvia interrupted Mom.  
  
By now, Blackie was clearly annoyed. I could tell she didn't like the three of them. She usually wasn't a fan of loud bubbly Yaoi girls. But then she did somthing that surprised me:  
  
"Sure, he'll let you," she offered in an off handed way.  
  
My eyes widened, "I WILL?!"  
  
Blackie nodded knowingly, "mmmhmmm, but first," she said as we came to my door, "Katou and I need to talk. Wait out here."  
  
They nodded and we went inside my apartment.  
  
~*~  
  
It's almost four hours later. I'm lying ass-stretched and broken on my bed. Stuff did happen, but not in the way you'd think.  
  
See, when we got into the apartment, Blackie summoned Lucifer, and well since he's a good friend of hers, he did what she told him. What was that exactly? Well it went along the lines of:  
  
"Fuck Katou, now. Katou where's your porn, and your camcorder?"  
  
At the time, I had failed to see where that was taking us, but being thrown on the bed by a maliciously smirking Lucifer interrupted me.  
  
Only later, did I find out what she had done. She had recorded what had happened, and then threw the porn tape out of the door-hitting Mom in the head making her knock into Silvia and Angel. Then came back to watch what happened.  
  
But as for what she did with what she recorded, I have no clue.  
  
Anyway, they're gone now...Blackie seemed happy. Lucifer seemed like Lucifer, and I'm where he left me.  
  
But I'm tired now so I'm going to try to sleep. And prey the Yaoi girls don't break in.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
See? A happy ending. Of sorts...I did let the three buy him Lube. And I did let Blackie be incredibly cruel at the end, but she's Blackie so if she didn't do anything evil....it wouldn't be Blackie.  
  
I hope everyone liked this. It's longer than usual. Took me 3 hours with editing and stuff. Please be happy with it. So review-I'm off to go do stuff.  
  
Kay-chan 


End file.
